i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
