I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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