you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
