You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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