you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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