I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize