come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize