At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
