Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
