Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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