three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
