my phone needs a breathalizer
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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