I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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