Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
