I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
