Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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