I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
