sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
