I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
