She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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