woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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