Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
