apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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