i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Couch. On fire.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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