I hate your face
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
