hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
