i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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