Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
