In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
