Three words: puerto rican gang bang
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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