it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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