Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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