the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
