come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
