allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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