The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
