I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
