I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
