my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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