You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
