I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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