I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
