i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
