it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
