i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
