butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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