JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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