She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
