my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
