He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
