dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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