im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
