wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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