I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
