I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
