Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
