I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Enjoy the penises
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
