i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
