I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
