I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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