Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
