alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
