Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
