DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
