he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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