Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
a search helicopter?!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
