Nicole vs. Life
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She told me I should be a condom model.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
