Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
