Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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