More tranny stories later!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
