If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
