Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
