i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
