Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
